Opera Adventures
by Karu Leonnese
Summary: Basically a remix of the opera through Setzer's apperance. Strangely amusing.


opera .Comic-Sans48 { pont-family: Comic Sans MS; pont-size: 48px; } .Comic-Sans18 { pont-family: Comic Sans MS; pont-size: 18px; } .Times10 { pont-family: Times New Roman, adobe-times, Times; pont-size: 10px; } 

Opera Adventures

A/N: I've tried to type this thing at least 3 times, and it's getting a bit annoying, so this might take awhile... but it's really funny. My first-ever written FF3 fic!

  


  


Takes Place: Duh...the opera house. In the WOB.

  


~The Opera House~

  


[The group walks in.]

  


Impersario: Ah. You again.

  


Locke: I read that letter. Setzer's coming for her.

  


Impersario: [sighs] He'll probably appear right at the climax of Scene One. He loves to make an enterance.

  


Locke: [nods] Right! If we could only grab her then...

  


Impersario: [puts his hand over his forehead] Dear me, NO! You'll ruin the performance! I'll loose my job!

  


Serenity: [mumbles] Heaven forbid...

  


[Edgar and Sabin stifle laughter.]

  


Celes: [puts her hands on her hips] Then you're history!

  


Impersario: [more drama] This is simply horrid! I want the performance to be a success! But I don't want Maria to be abducted!

  


Sabin: Catch 22....

  


Locke: We'll let him grab her...

  


Impersario: ????

  


Edgar: You have a plan?

  


Locke: We'll use a decoy.

  


Serenity: I could do it.

  


Locke: We'll use Celes. After she's abducted, I'll follow 'em straight to his airship! [gives a thumbs up]

  


Seenity: What about me? I can sing.

  


Impersario: [to Locke, ignoring Serenity] Are you mad?!! If something should happen to Maria...

  


[He runs toward the dressing rooms. Locke dashes in front of him and pushes him backwards. The others follow.]

  


Locke: That's why the decoy! We'll hide Maria someplace safe!

  


Impersario: Come again?

  


Sabin: [to Edgar and Serenity] Is this guy deaf, dumb, or stupid?

  


Edgar: [to Sabin and Serenity] All three, I think.

  


[Edgar, Sabin, and Serenity laugh quietly.]

  


Locke: [waves his index finger, points to Celes] You said SHE looks like Maria, right...?

  


Celes: [shocked] Now just a minute...

  


Serenity: I could do it.

  


Locke: [ignoring Serenity] Celes will be our Maria! She'll lead us to the airship!

  


Serenity: I could be Maria...

  


Impersario: [jumps up and down, to Locke] Brilliant!

  


Celes: [freaking out] W...wait! I'm a GENERAL, not some opera floozy!

  


Serenity: I can be an opera floozy...[Sabin and Edgar glare at her as she realizes what she just said]...er-I mean-

  


Edgar: [moves closer to Serenity] Really?

  


Serenity: [pushes him] In your dreams, Pretty Boy...

  


Edgar: How'd you know?

  


[Serenity gags. Sabin watches the two fight.]

  


Celes: Ahhhhh!!!

  


[She runs into the dressing room door and crashes. She gets up, flips her cape with 'dignity' and runs into the dressing room. The others listen to her from the outside.

  


Celes: [sings] Mii...Mii...Do, re, mi...Faa...*hack, cough!*

Maa...riii...aaaa!!

  


Locke: [laughs] Not bad Celes!

  


Serenity: [pouts] Fine. Let her do it...[mumbles] just because you like her...

  


Sabin: It's no use...it's Locke we're talking about here.

  


Serenity: [sighs] You know I can sing, right?

  


[Sabin and Edgar nod.]

  


Serenity: Well, alright. I'll give it up...for a bit.

  


[Scene changes to Ultros, hiding behind some curtains near the group.]

  


Ultros: Mwa,ha,ha! I'll pretend to be Setzer and foil their little plan!

  


[He tosses a letter. It lands behind the group, but no one sees it.]

  


Locke: Let's get ready! Celes, it's show time!

  


[The Returners leave.]

  


Ultros: D'haaaaa! Come on! Read it!!

  


[Fade out. Fade in-the opera.]

  


[Locke, Sabin, Edgar and Serenity sit in the balcony as the orchestra plays. Impersario stands onstage.]

  


Impersario: [narrating] The West and East were waging war. Draco, the West's great hero, thinks of his love, Maria. Is she safe? Is she waiting?

  


[Impersario heads offstage and into the balcony with the others. Draco enters, and is promptly run over by soldier-driven Chocobos.]

  


Serenity: [whispers] Was that supposed to happen?

  


[The guys shrug.]

  


Draco: [sings] Oh Maria!

Oh, Maria!

Please hear my vioce!

How I long to be with you!

  


[Opera continues. In the balcony...]

  


Locke: [to Impersario] I'm going to the dressing room.

  


Impersario: Is everything okay?

  


Locke: [gets up] Yeah.

  


Edgar: Going somewhere? I'm going to relax!

  


[Locke leaves.]

  


Sabin: Uh...why's everyone singing?

  


Edgar: It's an opera, brother. It's what they do.

  


Serenity: Ah, I prefer a good comedy...

  


[Scene changes to Locke going to Celes's dressing room.]

  


Locke: [looks at Celes's costume] Aye yai yai! Izzat...you?!

  


Celes: [walks away from him] Locke. Why did you save me back there?

  


*A/N: FYI:-Locke saved Celes from the Empire in South Figaro, in case you didn't know...*

  


Locke: I...once abandoned someone when she needed me... [walks toward the door] That ribbion suits you.

  


Celes: [changes the subject] On with the show! This si a big scene in which Maria senses that something's happened to Draco!

  


Locke: You'd better check the score one last time.

  


[She does and goes onstage. Impersario is narrating.]

  


Impersario: The forces of the West fell, and Maria's castle was taken. Prince Ralse from the East took her hand by force, but she never stopped yearning for Draco...

  


[Impersarioreturns to teh balcony. Celesenters the scene, a castle rooftop.]

  


Celes: [sings] Oh my hero,

so far away now.

Will I ever see your smile?

Love goes away, like night into day.

It's just a fading dream...

  


Serenity: I coulda done this...

  


Impersario: Shh!

  


Celes: [sings] I'm the darkness,

you're the stars.

Our love is brighter than the sun.

For eternity, for me there can be,

only you, my chosen one...

  


[Locke, watching from the wing, is lovestruck. Little hearts are seen floating from his head.]

  


Celes: [sings] Must I forget you?

Our slemn promise?

Will autumn take the place of spring?

  


Sabin: Won't it eventually? After summer?

  


Edgar/Serenity: Hmm...

  


Impersario: SHH!!

  


Sabin/Edgar/Serenity: [to Impersario] Oh, Shh! yourself!!

  


Celes: [sings] Oh what shall I do? I'm lost without you.

Speak to me once more...

  


Serenity: Typical...the damsel in distress, pining for her hero...blech.

  


Sabin: Kind of sad, actually.

  


Impersario: I'm not going to tell you again...

  


[Sabin and Edgar cover Serenity's mouth as she utters a few choice words.]

  


Impersario: ???

  


[Onstage, a glowing Draco appears. He dances with 'Maria', then turns into a bouquet of flowers. Celes takes the flowers to the fake balcony's edge.]

  


Celes: [sings] We must part now.

My life goes on.

But my heart won't give you up.

E're I walk away, let me hear you say,

I meant as much to you.

  


[In the wing, Locke is mesmerized.]

  


Celes: [sings] So gently,

you touched my heart.

I will eb forever yours.

Come what may, I won't age a day.

I'll wait for you always...

  


[She throws the bouquet. A Chancellor enters.]

  


Chancellor: Prince Ralse is looking for a dance partner.

  


Serenity: [imitating Maria] So have fun. Don't let him step on your toes!

  


Impersario: A-hem!

  


Chancellor: Give up. The kingdom is adapting to the spirit of the East!

  


[Celes sighs, then walks offstage, following the Chancellor, as a shooting star beams across the sky.]

  


[Fade out. Fade in- everyone is dancing.]

  


Locke: Well done, Celes.

  


[He starts to go back to the balcony. He finds a letter.]

  


Locke: [reading] "I owe you one, so I'm going to jam up your opera! -Ultros" Uh oh...better tell the Impersario!

  


[He rushes to the balcony.]

  


Impersario: What!!!?

  


[Onstage- a soldier enters.]

  


Soldier: The survivors of the West attack!

  


Ralse: Impossible!

  


[The West's soldiers enter and fight the East's. Draco enters, riding a Chocobo.]

  


Draco: [sings] Maria!

  


Celes: [sings] Draco! I've waited so long. I knew you'd come!

  


Ralse: [sings] Maria will finally have to become my queen!

  


Draco: [sings] For the rest of my life, I'll keep you near!

  


Ralse: [sings] It's a deul!

  


[In the balcony]

  


Impersario: But how might he disrrupt the opera?...[looks in the rafters above] With that?!

  


[In the rafters, Ultros is perched next to a 4 ton weight..]

  


Ultros: Mwa, ha, ha! Let's see if Maria can shrug this off! [He pushes the weight. It doesn't budge.] N'ghaaa! This is heavier than I thought! It'll take me five minutes to drop this!

  


[Balcony]

  


Locke: We haven't a second to lose!

  


Impersario: Talk to the man in the room to the right! He'll help you get up there!

  


Locke: It's as good as done!

  


[Locke, Sabin, Serenity and Edgar go to the room, but the man isn't there.]

  


Edgar: Now what?

  


Locke: [looks at four switches on the wall] Everybody pull one. One of 'em's gotta open up the door to the rafters!

  


[Edgar pulls the switch on the far left. It immediately flips back up.]

  


Edgar: Hey, what gives?

  


[Serenity flips the middle left switch. All teh lights in the audience go out.]

  


Serenity: Oopsie...

  


[Sabin flips the switch on the middle right. A trapdoor opens underneath him. He falls, grabbing Serenity's ankle, who latches onto Edgar's cloak. All three fall onto the stage.]

  


Audience: ????

  


Edgar/Serenity/Sabin: !!!!

  


Impersario: Get out of there!!

  


[They run offstage and back to the room where Locke is waiting.]

  


Sabin: I don't think it's that one.

  


[Locke ulls the last switch. The door to the rafters opens.]

  


Locke: Let's go!

  


[They run along the rafters, battling Sewer Vermin until they reach Ultros.]

  


Ultros: Phew! Rats!!

  


[he charges into our heroes. Everyone falls to the stage, Locke and Ultros landing on Draco and Ralse.]

  


Impersario: Disaster! If the two heroes are flattened, the opera's over! Then who'll win the girl?!

  


Serenity: [annoyed] you're actng like she's a prize...

  


Edgar: Now's not the time for your speeches, Serry.

  


Sabin: Yeah, first we gotta...

  


[He notices the audience and freezes.]

  


Serenity: Aww...Sabby's got stage fright.

  


Locke: [standsup and speaks over-dramtically] Neither Draco nor Ralse will save Celes-

  


Edgar: Maria.

  


Locke: -Maria! I, Locke, the world's premier adventurer, will save her!

  


Impersario: Aya...what awful acting!

  


Serenity: And don't forget your teammates, Mr. Adventurer!

  


Locke: Huh? Oh yeah, my followers, who's names aren't important.

  


Edgar: Followers?

  


Sabin: Names aren't important?

  


Serenity: A-hem! I'm Serenity Morrigan, Guardian of the seven Chakras, and ex-daughter to Emperor Gestahl- by choice!

  


Edgar: And I'm Edgar Roni Figaro, King of Figaro castle, master of machinery and every girl's dream!

  


Serenity: [rolls her eyes] Give it a rest, Maca-Roni...

  


[Edgar sweatdrops.]

  


Sabin: [shakes] And, uh...um...

  


Serenity: And this is Sabin Rene Figaro, martial artist and Blitz technique master! Together we will triumph over evil...[points to Ultros and strikes a heroic pose]...and that means you!

  


Ultros: Silence! You are in the presence of octopus royalty! Lowborn thugs like you could never defeat me!

  


Impersario: Hmm...Might as well make the most of this. MUSIC!

  


[Battle music starts.]

  


Ultros: Long time no see...

  


Edgar: Not long enough...

  


Ultros: You've changed.

  


Locke: Yeah, but we'll still kick the calimari outta you!

  


Ultros: Didja miss me?

  


Sabin/Serenity: [flatly] No.

  


[Locke uses the Dragoon Boots to Jump. Edagr uses his Chainsaw. Serenity uses her Red Chakra, which randomly casts Fire 2, and Sabin uses his Fire Dance Blitz.]

  


Ultros: [beaten to a squiddy pulp] What an unlucky day! Adios!!

  


[He Warps away.]

  


Returners: YAY!!

  


Voice: Just a darn minute!

  


[Setzer drops from the roof. He spins Celes, who- I dunno, magically, I guess- changes back into her normal clothes and falls.]

  


Setzer: What a performance!

  


Impersario: [waves his index finger] I'm a man of my word, music man!

  


Celes: That's HIM...?!

  


[Setzer grabs Celes and jumps back to the roof.]

  


Returners: Dang!

  


Impersario: [runs back and forth, jumping around] What a reversal! Thinking she's Locke's new queen, Maria is instead nabbed by Setzer! What fate lies in store for her? Stay tuned for Part 2!

  


[Fade out. Fade in- Setzer's airship.]

  


Setzer: I'll deal with you in a minute!

  


[he leaves and locks the door brhind him. Locke, Edgar, Serenity and Sabin jump onboard the airship.]

  


Locke: What a performance!

  


Celes: Enough already!

  


Locke: But this is the tough one! Part 2 begins now!

  


Sabin: Uh...is this gonna involve an audience again?

  


Serenity: No Sabby.

  


Sabin: Good.

  


Locke: Where's Setzer?

  


Celes: He's coming.

  


[Setzer enters.]

  


Edgar: Speak of the devil!

  


Setzer: W...who're you? You're not Maria!

  


Serenity: [mutters] What was your first clue Sherlock?

  


Celes: Setzer, we need your help. We ahve to get to Vector. We need this ship to get there.

  


Setzer: Look, if you're not Maria, then I don't want you on board.

  


[He starts to walk off.]

  


Celes: Wait! We were told your ship is the finest vessel in the world!

  


[he stops.]

  


Locke: And that you were the world's most notorious gambler!

  


Edgar: I'm the king of Figaro. if you cooperate, you'll be well rewarded...

  


Sabin: And...

  


Serenity: Umm...

  


Sabin/Serenity: Pretty please???

  


Setzer: [to Celes] Come here.

  


Celes: [walks over to him] Yeah...?

  


Setzer: Don't misunderstand me. I'm still not sure if I'm going to help you.

  


[Scene change- Setzer's casino room, or whatever...]

  


Setzer: Phew...The Empire's made me a rich man.

  


Celes: Stop thinking of yourself. Many towns and villages have been smashed by the Empire.

  


Locke: The Empire's also totally rotten! It's using amgic to enslave the world!

  


Serenity: They don't care how many innocent lives the destroy or ruin- as long as they get what they want.

  


Edgar: The Empire and my realm were allies...until recently.

  


Sabin: The Empire will end up owning you.

  


Setzer: The Empire...evil...?

  


Serenity: Better believe it...I should know...

  


Celes: We all hate the Empire for the same reasons. That's why-

  


Setzer: You know...you're even more stunning than Maria.

  


Celes: ????

  


Setzer: Enough! If you...if Celes becomes my wife, I'll help. Otherwise...

  


Locke: WHAT?! Are you stupid??!!

  


Celes: We haven't any other choice.

  


[Locke feaks out.]

  


Setzer: Yes! It's settled!

  


Celes: But I have conditions...

  


[She gets a coin from Edgar.]

  


Edgar: [nods] Hmm...

  


Celes: We'll decide with a coin toss. If it's heads, you'll help us. If it's tails, I'll go with you. Well, Mr. Gambler...?

  


Setzer: Oho! Fine! I accept!

  


Locke: Listen to yourself! Celes...you can't become his wife! You just can't!

  


Celes: Ready??

  


Serenity: Celes...

  


Sabin: Are you really...?

  


[She flips the coin. I turns up heads.]

  


Celes: I win! Now honor your end of the bargin!

  


Setzer: [picks up the coin] How...unusual! A coin with identical sides...!

  


Serenity: Oh, like you probably haven't seen your share of two-sided coins...

  


Sabin: That coin...!? BIG BROTHER!!! Don't tell me...

  


[Edgar looks down.]

  


Celes: I think you've been hustled Mr. Gambler.

  


Setzer: Ha! How low can you get?

  


Locke: Pretty low...

  


Setzer: I love it! All right, I'll help you. Nothing to lose but my life!

  


Sabin: There's the spirit!

  


Setzer: [throws the coin to Celes] My life is a chip in your pile. Ante up!

  


Edgar: Hmm...sounds like a pick-up line...

  


[He turns to Serenity.]

  


Serenity: [shake her head] Save it, Maca-Roni...

  


[He pouts.]

  


[Scene change- ship's deck.]

  


Locke: This unwieldly-looking ship really moves! Could it crash?

  


Setzer: [shrugs] When things fall, they fall. It's all a matter of fate...

  


Serenity: Well, aren't you a little ray of sunshine...

  


Edgar: [groans] I feel airsick...

  


Sabin: Uh oh...RUN FOR COVER!

  


[Edgar offers up everything he's eaten in the last three hours to the world below.]

  


Celes: Gross!

  


Setzer: This'll be a long trip...

  


~End~

  


A/N: YAY! MY 1st FF3 fic!

  


Originally published: 4-22-01

  



End file.
